Health & Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs
>
> The Rocking Song
> Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
> We will lend a coat of fur,
> We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
> We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
>
> Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to
> risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.
> Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps
> micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
>
> Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records
> Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to
> rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with
> them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of
> identification before rocking commences.
>
> Jingle Bells
> Dashing through the snow
> In a one horse open sleigh
> O'er the fields we go
> Laughing all the way
>
> A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is
> considered safe for members of the public to travel on.
The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate
> to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if
> passengers are of larger proportions.
> Please note, permission
> must be gained from landowners before
> entering their fields.
> To avoid offending those not
> participating in celebrations, we
> would request that laughter is moderate
> only and not loud
> enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
>
> While Shepherds Watched
> While shepherds watched
> Their flocks by night
> All seated on the ground
> The angel of the Lord came down
> And glory shone around
>
> The Union of Shepherds has complained that it
> breaches health and
> safety regulations to insist that
> shepherds watch their flocks
> without appropriate seating arrangements
> being provided,
> therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic
> chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested
> that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time
> of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv
> cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
> Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded
> that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must
> ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses
> capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and
> Glory.
>
> Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
>
> Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
> And if you ever saw him,
> you would even say it glows.
>
> You are advised that under the Equal
> Opportunities for All policy,
> it is inappropriate for persons to make
> comment with regard to
> the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R.
> Reindeer. Further to this,
> exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the
> Reindeer Games will be
> considered discriminatory and
> disciplinary action will be
> taken against those found guilty of this
> offence. A full investigation will be implemented and
> sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be
> considered whilst this investigation takes place.
>
> Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
> Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
>
> The RSPCA has issued strict guidelines with
> regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is
> permitted to carry.
> Also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how
> often to feed the donkey and how many
> rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please
> note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the
> dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to
> prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has
> expressed his discomfort at being labelled
> 'little' and would prefer just to
> be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To
> comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered
> an infringement of his equine rights.
>
> We Three Kings
> We three kings of Orient are
> Bearing gifts we traverse afar
> Field and fountain, moor and mountain
> Following yonder star
>
> Whilst the gift of gold is still considered
> acceptable - as it may be
> redeemed at a later date through such
> organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense
> and myrrh are not
> appropriate due to the potential risk of
> oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested
> gift alternative would
> be to make a donation to a worthy cause
> in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
> We would not advise that the traversing
> kings rely on navigation
> by stars in order to reach their
> destinations and suggest the
> use of RAC routefinder or satellite
> navigation, which will
> provide the quickest route and advice
> regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the
> guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the
> three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest
> breaks. Facemasks for the
> three kings are also advisable due to the
> likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.
>
> Away in a Manger
> No Crib for a bed - Social services?
>
